WASHINGTON, DC January 21, 2013 — Less than 24 hours after being sworn in as the 45th President of the United States following her stunning upset of Barack Obama last November with her “You Betcha!” grassroots campaign, Sarah Palin announced today that she is resigning the presidency.
In an unprepared statement made in the White House press room early this morning to three reporters who have been sleeping there since the last newspapers shut down in 2011 and a cleaning crew, President Palin said that “I have good reasons for this and I have told you that my reasons are good and a lame duck is not a moose which means point guards pass the ball. Some people hit the road and get a paycheck but positive change is not a distraction. Also my father’s refrigerator has a sign that says ‘WTF?’ and the world needs more Trigs.”
Palin did not take any questions, concluding with “God Bless Alaska and the Lower 48 and that other one.”
With newly elected vice president Michelle Bachmann incarcerated for life after her conviction for multiple assaults on census takers in Minnesota two years ago, the presidency will pass to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who immediately announced that her first official act would be to appoint former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Supreme Court “just because I can and because it will drive Rush Limbaugh crazy.”
There was no word on Palin’s political future, but William Kristol, the last editor of the Washington Post before it shut down, said that her resignation was “a shrewd move” and commentators on Fox News agreed unanimously that “this is good news for the McCain Campaign.”